he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
