Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?

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(213): View more from California

Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral

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