I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
