Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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