This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
