i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
