You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
