Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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