Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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