So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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