haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
