Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
