my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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