I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
At least life still wants to fuck me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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