did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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