Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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