I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
