I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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