I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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