kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
