he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Send help, water and tortillas.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
