They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
