I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize