She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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