you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
