no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
