I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
