His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize