At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
