Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
