Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
pray to the hookup gods
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
