Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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