Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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