and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
