margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
