I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
