A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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