So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
