ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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