just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
