im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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