i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
