Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
