i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
