Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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