I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He felt like a one man threesome
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
