I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
