turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
