So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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