What a fucking waste of an outfit
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
