fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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