if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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