i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
