We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
