is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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