she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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