I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
