Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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