I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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