You smell like a Billy Joel song
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
