the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
