# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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