I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
