I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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