my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
