My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
