I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
