why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
