I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
