No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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