Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
