Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
